Do(n't).

Lately I have been washed away. Beaten down. Lost. There are reasons for me to feel this way, and I mean, very legitimate reasons. But it occurred to me today that not only have I forgotten what it's like to be anything other than confused and miserable, I honestly don't really remember how to do much of anything anymore. I don't sleep the way I would like to sleep. I don't wake the way I would like to wake. I don't have sex. I don't work. I don't write. I don't smile. I don't create. I don't know how to feel good. I don't do much of anything at all. In my mind I have this laundry list of plans that I can see as clear as day. In my mind it all makes sense, and it feels within reach... like, it's right there. But then I realize nothing in my mind is even close to a reality. These plans are not taking shape as anything beyond that of a delusional fantasy. I understand that I am the one who has to get moving in order to lay the groundwork for these plans, but I can't. do. anything. I don't know how. I don't understand anything anymore. The world is so uncomfortable to me. I am uncomfortable within myself. I can't make any sense of any of it. The world goes on without me. People move on. They do things. They grow and change. But I don't. I have no clue how to break out of this cycle. I wish something magical would happen that would suddenly kick me in the ass and show me the way. Right now I am nothing but a blob of flesh and bone who is rapidly descending into absolute nothingness...