I guess I should just give up. Cave in. Succumb to the madness you instill upon me day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. You are a disease that has infiltrated my everything. A parasite. A virus. I hate you because I love you more than anything. You are my soulmate and my worst enemy. I want you in a way that is impossible to relay into words. You are a constant pang in my guts. An ache so deep it could burrow through the Earth's core, then all the way over to the other side of the world. This black spill of ink coursing through me, your essence, corrupting me. This darkness, your darkness, is stuck inside of me. This love is not sunny and warm with a happy ending. No, it is murky and lurks in the cool shadows, in the back alleys, in the recesses of those places where anyone else would be scared to go. Because this love is too much to bare. It is all-encompassing. You are the phantom that haunts me both asleep and awake. You are in my pockets and in my shoes, tagging along with me everywhere I go. There is no shaking you. Ever. EVER. So I should just accept it now. Allow it to be. This dreadful, relentless illness that I'm inflicted with. Let you linger on my flesh, on my heart, on my sorry brain. Because I am just too tired to fight you anymore... I do not want to speak to you or see you or mutter your beautiful name. That is a lie. I want nothing more than to see you and speak to you and mutter your beautiful name. But I can't because I hate your wonderful guts. I will let you be a part of me. I have to. Because I am a part of you. And that's just the way it is and will always be...
Fuck.
