Apathy.

The truth is that there is no answer. No matter which path I choose, I only end up right back where I started. Chasing my tail and getting nowhere. I am at this point now where I am paralyzed with cynicism and bitterness and fear and apathy. Apathy. Yes. No other word suits me better at this moment. I have stopped doing anything. Literally. I know that there is no way to gain momentum unless I start moving myself, and I don't have the strength or drive to care anymore. For brief moments I will make some sort of effort, but it quickly fades and I go back to my little puddle of quicksand. Without trying I have no fear of failure. For I have failed already. I wake up in the mornings and the crease in my brow grows deeper and deeper. My angst carries over into my dreams, and reveals itself where I cannot hide it. It's front and center as a constant reminder to not look in the mirror. When I look at myself, I don't see the person I thought I knew. I see the crease. The flaw. The stress. The pain. How long I can continue this way is unclear. I wish I had something to make myself hopeful again. Right now all I see is nothingness.