Constant hovering, nagging for acknowledgment. Drifting to and fro, hoping I'll notice and pay attention. Mindless, mindnumbing, unsolicited chatter about the weather and the neighborhood's happenings. I do not want to be your sounding board. Perhaps I'm an asshole. A bitch. A c-word, even. But I just want to BE. Just because I am here, that does not mean I am interested in you and your ailments and trivial, meaningless, lackadaisical lifestyle. I am motivated and driven. I like to get stuff done. I like order and cleanliness. I like to be quiet. Most of all, I like to mind my own beeswax.
I am counting down the days to the freedom I have been aching for. Just trying my best to make due with my surroundings, and hate them as little as possible. I am overwhelmed with it all. The notion of transporting all of which I've acquired over the past 365 days. The stuff that weighs me down, yet brings me some semblance of comfort. These things that mean nothing, yet somehow allow me an expression of who I am and what my tastes are. It's just junk, but it's *my* junk, and that is important.
I hope to listen to my records again.
To waste less time with the racket of the television. I won't have as much need to numb and drown out my environment anymore.
I want to sit out on my new private porch.
Private. Yes.
I want to walk around the house naked.
I will be inspired to start jogging again.
To let go of this 15 pounds of blubber that I packed on as a self-inflicted wall to separate me from all of this unwanted company.
I want to sleep with my bedroom door open.
I want to shower with my bathroom door open.
I want my refrigerator to be filled with only my healthy foods, sans gooey hot dog crap and cheap TV dinners.
I will give up the microwave and cook like a real person does - no more shortcuts.
I will explore new places.
I will take new routes.
I will frequent new establishments that I've never been to.
I will be more social again.
I will make an effort.
I will take some risks.
I will create a new nest which is bright and lovely.
I will at long last be free.
