It's just like me to discover things a day late and a dollar short. I finally figured out what I more than anything want to do with my life/career/school, 3 weeks into the semester when I can no longer change my classes. UGH! I am fucking cranky as motherfucking HELL these days. Cabin fever and lack of sunshine is getting the best of me. Stuck in this bullshit holding pattern till spring. I want to move forward and move on, but I can't just yet. School is driving me mad, and three weeks in I am regretting being there at all. I CAN'T quit though, as I am 100% reliant on living off of my student loans right now, and I have to go there in fall to start anew, so I cannot afford to burn bridges. STUCK STUCK STUCK! Making myself the martyr over ridiculous drama. Being singled out in a group of many, and picked on. Staying up till all hours of the night dicking around doing nothing of any importance. My back is still fucked up, which limits my ability to do a whole lot, not to mention how constant pain can really wear a person down something fierce. In spite of my best efforts, not losing so much as a single pound. Yelling at my dad for him being an ungrateful, lazy, manipulative slob. The neighbor downstairs burning tons of the most nauseating smelling incense, as if I wasn't miserable enough living here right now as it is. I have a massive headache because of it. The political landscape and selfish behavior of those in power, and those clinging to be in power, sickens me. Desperately needing to get laid, but no desire to let anyone get close enough to touch me. Yeah... I need spring, and soon. I feel like I have so much pent-up frustration inside of me that I can't breathe. I am claustrophobic... I need air! And Space! And FREEDOM!!!
sigh...
I feel like there is so much negativity swirling around me in this world right now. I need an escape...
:o(