Failure

I've been through this more than once. In fact, I think I've been through this for most of my life. Even as a child I was going through this. There is an ebb and flow about it. It comes and goes like the tide or the seasons or the revolving door at a shopping center. You go into one slot, and magically end up on the other side. It's inevitable, and terribly, terribly persistent. A tough one to fight your way through. The stagnancy is smothering. All encompassing, really. I don't know how to talk when I'm like this. I say things merely to say them, but they mean little to nothing at all. It's no wonder that people don't understand me because I am speaking a language that nobody but me has ever heard of. It was easy for a while, there. It was as though the channel had changed and I could relax for once. I had plans. I had a future all laid out for me. But the cards fell and they landed all upside-down and askew, and not in any way that I'd hoped they would. These things brought unexpected change, and that was good overall. But now... I fear that I am chickening out. I question my every move and motive. Where I once (albeit briefly) saw a path in front me, now, I see an infinite road to nowhere. I am incredibly familiar with failure, and frankly, I'm downright intimate with it. We've been having a sordid and raunchy affair for years, you see. It's one of those affairs that draws you back in, even when you know just thinking about it would be a mistake. But you simply can't help yourself. It's all you know, and without it you are nothing...