There is something inherently magical about this space. It's not just the light, although that part is divine. The slanted ceilings are abundant, which I suppose do add an additional layer of coziness in their own way. The built-in dresser and bookcase are as charming as they are practical, to be sure. But it isn't about the aesthetics, it's just a *vibe*.
I knew it the instant I saw the place in photos (at the time they were taken it was covered in terrible wallpaper and sky blue carpet circa 1983), and even more-so the first time I ventured inside: Special things should happen here.
For the last two+ years the space has been occupied by filth and squalor. By chaos. By relentless personal demons. By stagnancy and delusion. None of this was me -- it was the other person who lives in my home. He is kind to the core, but nonetheless tormented. Still, whenever I briefly traveled into the space I could feel the magic inside -- It may have been covered in grime, stacks of dirty dishes, layers upon layers of dust, and the contents of his messy brain spilled out and scattered in knotted tangles and disheveled piles, but the magic still managed to peek through.
After over three and a half years in this house, and two+ years of him in that incredibly special place, I finally transplanted him into the basement for good so that I can make the enchanting, and enchanted, room my own.
Every second that I'm up there feels like peace. Tucked into the treeline, with views of the neighborhood made even more prevalent now that all the leaves have dropped, and fresh snow is on the ground. All of my treasures exist there now, and their uniqueness and the things I love about them most feels especially amplified and radiant.
As I was painting the walls yesterday (a lovely shade of the palest lilac, in case you were curious), I was absolutely overcome with that darkest depression that was once a constant companion, but now I haven't had the company of in a very, very long time. It was of course as familiar as looking in a mirror, yet unexpected just the same. Here I am, in this incredible room, full of nothing but my favorite things, making the space mine just so, and I was so, so, so sad.
I was mourning that I was just now experiencing it.
That the place has been above my head for three and a half years, but I hadn't gotten to live in it. And create in it. And be everything to me that I knew I desperately needed and wanted. I had put myself last, as usual, and given it away.
I felt the loss of that yesterday. HARD.
But today is a new day. The painting part is done, so now I get to really set things up. Take more of my me stuff out of boxes and put them on display. Get ready to work on my new chapter in this life. One full of the magic that this room inspires.