I have this bad habit of pushing things to the brink. I don't know if it's a simple act of relentless procrastination, boredom, or something more sinister? I do it in all kinds of ways, and even with people. Perhaps especially with people. See how far I can go before they leave. Test them. See how bad I can make things for myself before I stop and fix it again. I have this insatiable drive to rebuild. To experience the worst so that I can make it better. All at my own hand. I do this to myself over and over again, endlessly. I like to let things go so far that they are about to tumble over a cliff, only to reach out at the very last second and grab them before they get swallowed into oblivion. I'm an adrenaline junky for self-inflicted mini-dramas, even the dumbest littlest things. I really need to find a better hobby.
