There is pretty much nothing about life that's any good absent possibility. That drive to work towards something that at the present moment is just a bit out of your grasp. Even when there isn't necessarily anything particularly tangible to look forward to, the human brain seems to constantly attempt to invent ways to keep itself looking towards the future. To get caught up in daydreams, and crushes, and lofty ideas of moving somewhere far away that is new and exciting. Going back to school, or opening up your own business, or buying a house, or losing that extra weight, or even falling in love. These types of optimistic plans are so necessary to make life bearable... but, they also can lead to disappointment. I have always believed that taking the risk is a million times better than not knowing what could've happened if you'd only tried; Regret is for suckas.
These past couple of years have been pretty fucking dark for me, as the one or two people who read this blog know, but it is largely due to having a distinct loss of possibility. I just haven't been able to see past my current situation enough to get lost in genuine fantasy about something besides where I am now. Sure, I have toyed with lots of ideas, but none of them felt real enough to be enough to get me moving again. When you talk about ruts, mine is as epic as they come.
The thing of it is, there is only so long you can sit around waiting for inspiration to strike. There is only so long you can bide your time hoping a bolt of lightning zaps you in the ass to get you moving forward again. At some point one has to realize that you are the only person responsible for your destiny, and when opportunities aren't presenting themselves to you, you're gonna have to just create them on your own. It's a flip of the switch that maybe takes a while to figure out, but it's gotta be taken care of sooner or later.
This is where my mind has been the past few days, and honestly it's been a really refreshing change! I feel the fog lifting a bit for the first time in a long time. It isn't at all that suddenly I'm inundated with a million prospects on the horizon, but I've just kind of made up my mind that I'm sick of doing nothing with my life. I've been idling for long enough, it's time to put myself into gear.
I have no delusions of grandeur, it's quite possible these feelings may pass again, but for now it's pretty nice to feel a little bit different and a little bit more like I have some control over my future.
C'est pourquoi je vous ai critiqué si durement aujourd'hui. Ma patience n'est pas un puits sans fond, les contenus sont finis et commencent à être secs. Ou prenez une gorgée maintenant ou laissez-moi partir ...
