I have realized that all of my current problems revolve around one theme: Not feeling safe. It doesn't matter if I am actually safe, like, literally fine and not in danger, my brain is still stuck in this endless cycle of illogical fear. I have to figure out how to feel safe again. I need one thing, one little thing, a ritual, an object, an activity, a security blanket, that comforts me and makes me feel ok. Just one thing to reach for when I feel screwed up. I don't know what that thing is yet, but I hope I can find it... and soon...
