Unearthing myself from under the covers, sliding my feet into my slippers, walking out of my bedroom, then opening the blinds and letting light stream through my humble apartment is one thing I never fail to do, and it never fails to make me happy. In the same realm, sitting in my living room at the end of the afternoon when the sun is so strong and bright and warm, beaming on me in the most perfect way imaginable. I don't have to do anything or be anything but content in those moments. I don't have to think about anything at all, I just feel that warmth and squint at the world, and it's wonderful.
It's so easy to be lost in oneself, but so incredibly difficult to dig your way back out. To let go of all the heavy thoughts that keep you tethered to this... place. This place where you are so burdened by things that nobody else worries about at all. I'm finding that the key to freedom is ritual. Getting into habits, even little ones, that bring some sort of familiarity and comfort. Like opening those blinds each morning and taking a moment to appreciate the light. Like sitting on the sofa at 4pm and letting the sun kiss me. Creating rituals is the key.
"Happiness and gratitude" has become my mantra over the past couple of months. Whenever I feel anxiety, or feel myself getting irritated about some trivial thing, I say that to myself, either out loud or in my head. And there isn't an emptiness in the words as I say them, I do it with intent. I think about what those words mean, and I focus on them. I've been trying to really appreciate what I have and who I am, and not take for granted that I am here right now. "Happiness and gratitude." Another ritual, you see.
To take every day chores and tasks and life's basic activities and turn them into rituals is its own form of liberation. Cutting up broccoli for my dinner. Boiling water for tea. Walking out of my apartment and down the stairs to check my mail. Applying lip balm. Sweeping the snow off my windshield. Folding laundry. Being friendly to the cashier at the store. Bagging my groceries. Anything at all. These little events that don't matter are rituals, and I'm trying to appreciate them more, too. Just being in that moment means something, even when it doesn't.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything matters. Absolutely everything. It doesn't have to be Earth-shattering, it just has to be recognized. It's the rituals that truly make us who we are.
