Good.

It's been so long. So very, very, very long. I don't even remember what it was like anymore, really. It's just this vague recollection of bits and pieces now. It doesn't even seem real to me. Maybe it was all a dream? Or maybe it means so much less than I think it does. But I miss it. I don't know how I got here. Years of stupidity piled on, I suppose. It took too long to figure it out, and now I'm stuck here. I often wonder what it is I'm doing, anyway. What's the point. Why? It's all pretty meaningless without it. I want to just give it all up and let go. To not care about anything at all. Just do what I want, when I want, repercussions be damned. Take whatever it is I desire just because I feel like it. Maybe that would make it better. Selfishness at its highest level. I mean, why not? Give me a good reason. I have nothing to prove to anyone, though I try to think otherwise. But it's true. I should just do it. All I want is to feel good again. But I'm not sure that I ever actually have felt good...? Either way, I'd like to feel good now, and I just might make up my mind to do so. Fuck it.